Brother.

Dear Michael-

This is such a hard letter to write, and I know you'll never read it. That makes it all the worse. You know the story and you know the truth, but you refuse to accept it. You are my brother. You don't have to believe me. You don't have to believe anyone. I know that you were raised by another man. I know that he is your father. However, the fact remains. The blood running through your veins is similar to mine. Our DNA is similar. We are forever linked, even if you don't want to accept that.

I wish you would take a moment to look at yourself. I wish that you could see how you look just like Ty. I wish you could see the same ears, the same face shape, and the same nose. All traits you both inherited from my father. I'm glad that you and Ty know one another. I'm glad that you are friends, even if you refuse to accept that you are truly brothers. I envy him for knowing you.

You will never know how much this eats at me. You will never know how many days I spend wishing that you would give me a chance. I just want to get to know you. I want to know my brother, and I want him to know who I am as well. Stop pushing me away. Stop being afraid. Just open your eyes to a new experience. I'm not going to take your sisters' place. I'm not going to make you forget your family.

The brothers and sisters that you grew up with, well they're no different than I am. They are half siblings, just like me. They are your mothers children, and we are my fathers children. We share the same father. How that can mean nothing to you is beyond me.

I spend every day wondering about you. I wonder how you were raised, what your mother is like, and who you are. I wonder what you like, who your favorite band is, and what type of ramen noodle you think is best. I check out your facebook page, and think up questions to ask you. You can hate me all you want. You can call me a liar, but I speak the truth. You should ask your mom for the papers. My father signed over his rights to you because he was still a married man. Unfortunately for him, you cant make a mistake like that and expect to be forgiven. Not only did he lose you, but he lost my mother as well. In turn, that made us lose you.

I wish there were different circumstances. I wish you believed me. I wish you knew or understood how heavily this weighs on my heart. But, you don't. You are only 19, and you want to go on living blissfully unaware of everyone around you. Your days are spent drinking and smoking, much like your brother and biological father. All I know is that I pray one day, you will stand up and realize that what I'm saying makes sense. I hope that one day, you will listen to your friends who tell you that you look "Just like that Boom kid." Because, you share his genes, just as you share mine. So, I will wait patiently and hope that one day, I can be a part of your life. I already love you and I don't even know you.

Always and Forever
Your big sister...